HOW TO MANAGE OUR PARENTING WITH ROD

There are reasons why parents spank their children yet, however, there are three major reasons that parents spank their children. None of these have to do with the changing of child's behaviour. These are: 

1. That's the way they were treated and they don't know any better.
2. They're angry
3. They can't think of anything else to do. 

A Chinese proverbs says it well: "He who strikes the first blow shows he has run out of ideas."  If parents would just clearly think through the reasons they spank, most would choose effective disciplinary methods with fewer risk factors.

Some say spanking is Biblical. Yes, however, it should be used according to what God wants to be. One common verse from the Holy Scripture is this, "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them" (Prov. 13: 24). The text tells that love should manage the rod not an anger nor just beating.

However, if you are at your wits' end, and nothing creative seems to pop up into your head, and you feel the urge to spank, please pray and then consider carefully these guidelines:

1. Spank your children only when they are willfully defying your authority and milder measures have failed.  Avoid this method when your children have acted inappropriately because they are too young or immature to know better. Don't automatically spank your children for challenging a request you have made. Willful defiance is not only reason for disobedience. Do not overuse this method.

2. Never Spank you children when you are angry. It is too easy to spank too hard or too long. There is very fine line between a hard spanking and child abuse.

3. Tell your child before whether the spanking is a one-strike, two-strike, or three strike spanking.

4. Spank to get your child's attention and impress the child of the seriousness of the offence so you can teach your child a better way. That is why spankings should come immediately after the misdeed. If you wait too long to administer a spanking, it won't be effective.

5. Make your children clearly understand the reason for the spanking. Children should be able to feel that their "punishment fits the crime." If they can understand the reason for disciplinary action, you won't have to contend with feelings of resentment or injustice.

6. Spank your children in private. It is demeaning and embarrassing to children to be disciplined in front of an audience.

7. Your children should experience enough discomfort to change their rebellious attitude. If after the spanking they slam the doors, call your names, or stare you in the eye and say defiantly,"That didn't hurt," the spanking was ineffective. Calmly repeat the spanking once or use a more effective disciplinary technique immediately. remember, reaction to pain differs in children. Those with fewer pains nerve endings won't feel the pain, so it would be better to teach them by using other methods.

8. Plan a love experience after the spanking. If your child is young, take your child in your lap and rock him or her. If older, go to the child in five or 10 minutes. If the child is not yet ready to talk, return in another five minutes.Talk about pleasant things. offer your time and tenderness after such an experience will convince of your child of your love.  But be aware. If the only time children receive love is after spanking, they can come to the erroneous conclusion that to get love they have to endure pain, which sets them up to be victims of abusive relationships.

9. Consider your child age. In order for this technique to be effective, your child must be old enough to realize that this isn't your usual method of disciplining. He or she must be able to reason from cause to effect to see the justice of this type of discipline. An older child's self-worth can be shattered by a spanking. It can be a demeaning experience. It is a caution to avoid spanking before your children are 2 and after they are 8 or 9.

10. Finally, the rapport you have with your children will determine whether or not you can safely use spanking as a method of shocking therapy. Diana Baumrind, a psychologist has found that spanking produces passivity, timidity, and fearful conformity when it is used impulsively by repressive, restrictive parents. But when parents are warm, responsive, flexible, and have a good rapport with their children, an occasional spanking as fair discipline is link to self- reliant, independent, and confident behavior (reported in Today's Child, November 1798).

To end this article, I want to quote Ellen G. White, a famous parenting author in the nine-century. She said, 

 "Whipping may be necessary when other resorts fail, yet she should not use the rod if it is possible to avoid doing so. But if milder measures prove insufficient, punishment that will bring the child to its senses should in love be administered. Frequently one such correction will be enough for a lifetime, to show the child that he does not hold the lines of control." (Child Guidance, p. 250: 2)